I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
