The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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