That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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