I wish my penis had an off switch
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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