Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
