you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
