His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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