Sry I called you an 8
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
