I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
