You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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