Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize