Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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