I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
