well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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