I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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