Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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