She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
