dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
