Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
