did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
