Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
