Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
tell me about the eggs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
