im having a threesome with these popsicles
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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