im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
