Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
