I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
