Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
