I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
