I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
