can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
