were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
