Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
