Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
