the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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