You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
