dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
