I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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