did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
