If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
