My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
