Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
