Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
