I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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