It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
