im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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