i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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