You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
