Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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