just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
