i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
