i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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