so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
