her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm getting married
To pizza
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
