If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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