Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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