In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He better not be in your backpack
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize