So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
