im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
