"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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