Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
