The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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