Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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