I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
