I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
