Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
