I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
