is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
