I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
