I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
