She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize