We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
