There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
