We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
