sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
