There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
