Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
