My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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