what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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