There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
