apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize