We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
