look no pants
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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