My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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