hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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