I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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