hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He felt like a one man threesome
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize