Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
