his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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