i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm way too hungover for life right now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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