Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
