So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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