Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
