wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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