Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
