My hand turned me down
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
