cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
