apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
