let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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