this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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