We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
