After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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