ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
