Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
