I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize