i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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