I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
