it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize