apparently the secret to your success is patron
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this will be a night to untag.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
