You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
